I KNEW It Was The Homos!!!

You knew it was coming. Yep, some sweeties are saying that Hurricane Katrina was God's way of wagging His finger at the gays (and other assorted wickedness in N'Awlins).

headlines.agapepress.org/archive/9/22005b.asp

They make a convincing argument, but I think God is going about this all wrong.


An Open Letter To God:

Hi, God! Just between You and me, it's time to start brushing up on those communication skills. I know how much You hate the gays, and how You crashed those planes into the Twin Towers to teach "those damn homos" (Your words, not mine) a lesson. It was a pretty good lesson, I thought. Dramatic. But I know how annoyed You were when only the straight guys on the 700 Club got the point.

And now You've blasted a hurricane through New Orleans (nice work on pulling Your punch at the last second...it shows that You're still a teddy bear at heart). I guess You've added the abortionists and those Voodoo whackos to Your list, which is cool. I got the message, nice and clear.

Here's the thing, though...You killed lots of straight, non-aborting, non-voodoo-whackos along the way. You even made one of Your most devout followers, George W. Bush, look like kind of an ass. I took some Interpersonal Communication classes in college, and the problem I'm seeing is that You're not being concise. The message isn't getting through to the people who need it.

Let me give you an example. Let's pretend that orange gummi bears are evil (they aren't). And this guy had a bag of gummi bears, so I yanked it out of his hands and shook the contents out onto the dirty street. Gummi bears of all colors everywhere. Would this guy think "Wow, orange gummi bears must be wicked; I shall refrain from eating them in the future!" or "Hey, that asshole just wrecked all my gummi bears!"?

Do You see my point? You have to think of Your audience. The gay abortion-lovin' voodoo-practicin' heathens aren't going to get Your message if You deliver it this way.

Here's my suggestion. In a few weeks, the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival will be here in Tampa. That place will be simply PACKED with homosexuals. When the lights go out, take a deep breath and shout "THIS IS GOD! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU HOMOS RUINING IT FOR EVERYBODY ELSE! DIE DIE DIE!!!" Make the theatre rattle. And then start flinging those legendary lightning bolts and zap a few of the gayest members of the audience.

They'd get the message! There'd probably be gay men getting it on with lesbian women right there in the street! Imagine the sight! The DVD sales would be spectacular! And then they'd tell all of their gay/lesbian friends that You're not cool with their lifestyle choice.

Problem solved.

See what I mean? This whole hurricane thing...it's impressive and all, but it's not really speaking to your target audience. You can do better. You're God, right?

Your Fan,
Jeff

P.S.: What's up with those images of the Virgin Mary? I mean, you really have to squint and use your imagination to see what they're supposed to be. C'mon, God, I've seen what You can do with sunsets and mountain ranges...what's with this half-assed art? This is no time to be a slacker.